Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplas
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash
With a birthdate falling at the tag end of 1966, I am a proud member of the so-called Gen-X. Born between the boomers and the Millennials/Gen Z crowd, which I added to, times three, we Gen X-ers were the last to use corded phones, and the first to use computers, in our homes. We listened to music on records, 8-tracks, cassettes, CDs AND streaming. We were raised by boomers, and as a result, found (find) ourselves caught between massive generational upheavals in things like accepted behaviors v. locker room talk. Touching a tad too much v. boys will be boys.
You don’t have to go too far back in pop culture to find plenty to cringe about when it comes to portrayals of women—1970s television shows are a great place to start. It may have been summers full of love, sexual awakening, and finding g-spots, but women on tv were still either Daisy Duke or the dumb blonde in Three’s company or a Baywatch babe or, you know, a sad sack bar manager who just needed a sarcastic, rakish ex-athlete to straighten her out.
Say what you will about Mad Men (Team Roger Sterling over here)—its super cringe element was a fairly spot on representation of how god awful it was to be a woman in the workplace in in the 60’s, into the 70’s. You were either screwing the boss (sometimes against your will) and having his illegitimate baby or you were smoking yourself into an early grave while your husband chased every skirt that passed his desk. Regardless of which it was, you were definitely still making the coffee.
So, we’ve come a long way, right?
Well….
Yes. We have. Without a doubt. It is, as they say, a whole new world for women in the workplace and in positions of power. I mean, we got rid of one of the worst Hollywood Casting Couch assholes. We can never watch or listen to Bill Cosby again, and it’s his own fault for being a roofie-ing creeper. There’s a whole movie about disgusting Fox News guy(s). I don’t want to go too far down this road but don’t get me started on that horrible gymnastics coach, or Dave Letterman who was not as funny as he thought he was for a lot of years.
But that’s in the past, right? We’re better now. Men have learned how to behave, and women know how to stand up for themselves and say “No, I do not wish to be leered at, complimented in ways that make me want a steaming hot shower, or touched anywhere, including my hair by you, Bob."
The news in recent days tells a different story. I’m not going too far into it because I have a different point to make about how I, myself, have contributed to the acceptance of men in powerful positions behaving badly. Let’s say, there was a kiss. On the lips. In front of a giant celebrating crowd. From a man who had no business kissing the lips of any woman near him, unless she was his wife or girlfriend.
It was, in a word, gross.
It says a lot about NOT how passionate and sexy Spanish men are, but how cultures that encourage objectifying women—even women who have just worked their asses off for weeks to become champions of a challenging sport— honestly believe that it was okay for this to happen. KUDOS to the player, her teammates and the supporting coaching staff (not the main guy. He’s super problematic on his own) for standing up and saying “no, sir you may not do that.”
In similar news, a giant, powerful organization for an industry made up mostly of women (60%-70% of real estate agents are women depending on who you ask), has revealed that the man who is in charge of them is….a creep.
Stories about uber-toxic workplaces for women abound: Tesla, a famous governor’s office, and plenty of others, some surprising, some not so much.
Yeah. So. I follow all of this and it has spurred me to action in the one small corner of things that I can control—the books I write.
I am NOT here to yuck anyone’s yum when it comes to romance or otherwise reading preferences so reign in the “But Liz….” knee jerk reactions. Read what you want. Honestly.
Me? I’m going to make some changes to books I will write, and even to books I have written because I don’t want to put romance novels into the world that condone dubious consent of any form whatsoever.
I have written books that have characters who’ve been the victims of sexual abuse but I usually keep those in backstory, memory, or off the page in other ways. I’m more interested in the aftermath and the healing than I am about the mechanics of an attack**. I am also aware that there is a famous author thanks to TikTok whose books contain abuse on the page and people Have Feelings about that which is also driving discussions.
I’m not here to debate what other authors are doing. What I want to present is how easy it is to turn a potentially sexy scene in a romance novel that’s become a “he wanted it, so he took it, and that made my knees weak…even though I was having serious second thoughts and I told him that” sort of a thing, into something sexier.
It doesn’t always take massive rewriting. Sometimes a few words deleted, a few others changed, and your scene is now even sexier because everyone involved is consenting to what is happening in it. I’ve even found it hot to include consent—to stop some of the actions from happening in their tracks because someone just isn’t ready for it—and have the Alpha Male billionaire sports star single dad lumberjack or whatever say “It’s okay. We’ll stop. We’ll wait until you’re ready. Can I make you some hot chocolate?”
Swoon worthy indeed.
I’ve taken an entire series about one Alpha Male Real Estate Agent and turned him into a dude who’s the victim of way too much rumor mongering and jealousy and who, while he’s had plenty of sex with plenty of women, never pushes for it. He’s known to steal a kiss or two, but when it’s appropriate, like when they’re on a date or sitting on the porch swing drinking wine after work. Not in front of a bunch of strangers just to prove how powerful he is. I’d wager he gets what he gets because he honestly doesn’t believe he’s entitled to any of it. He knows he has to earn a woman’s trust in order to be physically intimate with her. While he’s a flirt, he understands the boundaries and respects women in a way that is, quite frankly, panty melting, if I do say so myself.
We got mixed signals, we Gen X girls. We knew we had to look nice, act nice, be sweet, find a boyfriend. But many of us myself included were never, ever told “you can say no to a boy.” Which is why I’m changing my romance heroines into women who are in control of their hearts, their minds, and their destinies….not to mention their bodies. Some say my heroines don’t give in easy enough, that they refuse to accept that the hero in the equation is a nice guy with amazing skills in the sack. But I make my heroes prove themselves first before they get to that Holy Grail—not just into a women’s bed, but into her life.
**I wrote a book called FireBrew that I hope to get back from the small publisher that is hanging onto it for some reason, centered on a woman in commercial real estate who has to endure near constant harassment, plays into it because she thinks she has to, and is assaulted as a result. That story’s entire point was the one I’m making here.
Consent. It’s Sexy.
No audio book reviews today. I’m still listening to my main man Alexander Hamilton’s story!
Later,
Liz
p.s. PLEASE do not assume I am demanding that any other authors do this. This here is my lil’ substack and it’s where I talk about what I’m doing, not what others should do.