Here For the Savasana

I Write. Therefore I Sweat.

Happy Friday Eve, Substackers.

Have you ever tried yoga?

I have.

I got bored.

Then I tried Bikram Yoga, back in 2008. It was “Bikram Yoga” because a dude named Bikram Choudhury invented it. He also invented a way to charge eager students many thousands of dollars, plus their own travel expenses, to get trained in his method out in California. Many eager students did so and no small number of them now say Bikram was a great yogi—and also a mega creepy dude so we are not going there. Every studio I’ve ever practiced in that WAS Bikram Yoga now uses “Original 26 and 2” to avoid affiliation with said gross dude.

Bikram Choudhury and his teaching style. What could possibly go wrong?

Enough history.

The bottom line is, the 26 and 2 practice that was dreamed up by a guy who shall remain nameless now is an intense series of stretches (i.e. “yoga”) but in a 105 degree F/ 40C, 40% humidity (minimum) room. I mean, it’s the sort of stupid hot that smacks you hard in the face as soon as you walk into the yoga room. The kind of ridiculous torrid that makes you want to turn around and walk right the heck back out of the place because who needs that in their life?

Turns out, many of us do. Including yours truly.

The “26” refers to the number of poses or postures or “asanas” in yoga-speak. The “2” refers to the number of breathing exercises you do as part of the practice. The first 25 of the asanas are done twice, the final one, only once. And for that, you are a grateful soaking wet noodle disguised as a human being.

This type of yoga is “hatha” style which basically means it is slower moving, involves more meditation, and incorporates breathing exercises. In Sanskrit, “hatha” means “sun and moon” or the balance or union of masculine and feminine energies. I can say, after 15 years of practicing this particular type of hatha yoga, that men and women practice this yoga differently so I don’t know about the “union or balance” or whatever. But it is definitely something that moves slower, forcing you to think about what you’re doing, or rather, with this specific hatha yoga, whether or not you are going to make it to the end without puking, or running out of the room.

Fun, am I right?

Important Point to Note: Original 26 and 2 and “hot yoga” are not the same thing. I’ve tried some hot yoga flow classes, but they move fast I.e. they’re NOT considered “hatha,” so for me it’s more like a lurch than a flow. So I tend to avoid them. I don’t need more evidence that I have lost every bit of balance and grace I ever possessed, thanks much.

As I said, I’ve been practicing this original 26 and 2 / Bikram thing for 15 years. I’ve even done some their crazier things, like go every day for a certain period of time. I think the longest period of time I was able to this was 20 days, just shy of a “30 day challenge” (see: “Stupider things I’ve done”). By the end of day five going every single day into that aforementioned smothering room, it is 1000% a mental exercise to show up. But really, the whole practice is, in a way that’s significantly different from a 45 minute cycle class, or a 5 mile run.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not bragging. It’s not like I’ve practiced consistently for 15 years. But I am back on it now, thanks to the folks at Southern Om here in Greenville who offer it, along with a slew of other “hot room” options. Ergo, I want to talk about it and this is of course, my substack. So I shall.

Mainly because I can’t help but compare the process of moving through the 90 minute practice (oh did I mention it was an hour and half under those conditions?) to the process of creating a book. For example, the first breathing exercise and the subsequent three asanas/ postures leave you feeling warm, yes. Sweaty, possibly. But also, definitely self-confident, powerful, dare I say cocky. As in “that wasn’t so bad. what’s all the fuss about?” which correlates perfectly to the first draft process.

Creative corollary: You’ve got this! You will be the next Book Tok sensation based on the sheer weight of your massive talent! You will be fighting off movie stars clamoring to option and star in this damn book!

Stage 2 in the hot room is the Standing Series. Sounds pretty easy, right? I assure you, it is not. In fact, I liken it to the whole Marine boot camp mindset of breaking you down to build you back up the way they want you. It’s a lot of standing on one leg, for starters, and even if you’re super flexible and have excellent balance, by this time, the heat/humidity combo is taking its toll. You’ve gone beyond the glowing with a sheen stage of sweating and are full on dripping, dropping droplets, and swiping it out of your eyes. By the end of it, you’re back on 2 feet for most of it but you’re doing super crazy triangle poses and wondering if you might, just might, have made a mistake, trying to do this thing. I don’t care HOW LONG you’ve been practicing. You hit Triangle Pose and you are are kinda done.

But you’re far from done.

Creative corollary: It’s editing time! You’ve sent off your genius manuscript, and you are feeling pretty good about it. You get the first pass back and, well, it’s kind of bleeding all over your screen with tracked changes. But that’s ok. You work on it some more and send it off again. This is Progress! You Are A Writer! You get next stages back and sh*t there are still more changes. You work more and hit the proofreading stage, and find yet more issues and by this time, after combing back through a manuscript you wrote 3-12 times, you are kinda done.

Stage 3 in the gone beyond moist and now completely oppressive room you entered what felt like three hours ago is the “floor series.” Oh my Lord the floor, thank you for small mercies. But while on the floor, you are going as deep as possible into stretching your back, your front, and your now wobbly legs. You do a lot of things lying face down on your damp and possibly fetid yoga mat. If the room is crowded, you may be nose to toes with the yogi in front of you. And while the poses have cute names like “camel” and “lotus” and “rabbit” there is nothing cute about what’s going on. Ick. And Ow. And why am I doing this to myself?

Creative corollary: Time to promote your masterpiece! Yay! You made it through writing, editing, proofing, blurbs, covers, and (in the case of those of us who run our own publishing business) formatting, uploading, and re-uploading when Amazon finds a stupid GD typo your 4 editing passes and 10 re-reading sessions missed. You are onto the fun bit. The talking about you and your book and why you wrote it to, like, Reese Witherspoon and the Today Show morning people. Allow me to Lol for you. Because by the end of it, you’ve been on a few podcasts, done a bunch of Live Instagram shows attended by 6.5 people, followed viral trends on Booktok until you’re sick of your own face, and travelled around to peddle your books at as many “fests” as possible and you are saying (yep) Why am I doing this to myself?

The final stage in the now subtropical, saturated room is one last stretch (only done once) and the final breathing exercise. This is the Zen stage of both this practice, and as an author. This is the moment when you lay on your back, soaking wet both physically and emotionally, wrung out like an old dishrag as you ponder the ceiling and think “Well, that sucked. Luckily, I am way too smart to ever subject myself to it every again. I mean, seriously.” You limp home, experience approximately 24 hours’ worth of self-satisfaction bordering on smug superiority, safe in the knowledge that having been-there-done-that you now Know Better and will move on to a different type of self torture.

Yeah. I’m 15 years into the Original 26 and 2, and I keep coming back. I’ve got a 40 book back list and am about to rebrand myself as Liz Crowe, author, not simply Liz Crowe, romance author as I branch out into new genre territories, re-do my website, and launch myself headlong in the fray of finding new readers and chasing that sweet, yet elusive Book Tok celebrity status. Because you don’t know what you don’t know until you, you know, try.

But do not, and I mean Do Not, go into either of these endeavors thinking it’s a lot of downward facing dogs and child’s poses because those don’t exist in the 26 and 2 realm, nor does quick and easy access to Reeses’ book club.

This week I’m at the 90% mark of ACOTAR (A Court of Thorns and Roses for you non-cool kids) and I’ll cop to being hooked. It took a bit because it was all way too Beauty and the Beast Fan Fiction with one hot scene to make it worthwhile at first. Then came the Bad Fairy Witch and her Whore/minion who, if I read the socials correctly, will emerge as a the third point of a juicy, enviable, fairy-human-fairy lust triangle. I will provide a full review next week, I promise. I anticipate being, ah, deeply sheathed, into book 2 by then anyways.

Be good. And if you can’t manage that, at least have fun, although I would DEFINITELY avoid that fairy wine.

Liz